My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
