Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
