He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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