i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
