I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
