My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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