some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
