nut hugger
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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