you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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