Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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