I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
