I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
