i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
