When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think people are normalizing furries
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
