Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
