I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
