A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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