:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
