I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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