Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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