You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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