She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
