Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We need to get me chipped asap
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
