I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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