I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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