dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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