How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
