apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
