Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
