Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
