Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need to calm my uterus...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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