I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
