we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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