didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
