How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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