glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
