Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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