Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
