This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
