I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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