: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
