i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
