You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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