I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she pinky promised me she was 18
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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