How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
