Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
