So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
