he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
