That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
