if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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