I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
