The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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