I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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